


take my hand (don't fear the reaper)

by amiabadperson



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Anxiety, Bakery and Coffee Shop, Bisexual Character, Grim Reapers, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mentions of Suicide, Pre-Grumps AU, Reapers, Supernatural Elements, and take your meds, it is with great reluctance that i give this fic "a title (like this)", please don't read this if it's bad for you
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-08-19 04:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20203789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amiabadperson/pseuds/amiabadperson
Summary: "You work... for the Grim Reaper.""Yeah. It's a temp position."In the wake of a brutal breakup, Dan Avidan's bad night nearly gets much worse until a handsome stranger shows up in his apartment and starts watching Seinfeld, talking absolute nonsense about the afterlife, and asking Dan out on coffee dates. Sometimes the universe has really good timing.(cw: discussion of mental health and suicide, in a constructive and not graphic way. rating will likely get bumped up to explicit at some point, but rest assured that will be because of horniness and horniness alone.)





	1. Chapter 1

There are days when it all gets too hard to bear. There are days when you’re too tired to be strong anymore. Dan was used to having those days every now and then since he and his girlfriend had broken up. Usually he could find something to do. He’d busy himself with vocal practice, or cleaning the house, and at worst he’d just put himself to bed early. 

That was, of course, assuming he could get to sleep.

Tonight, he tossed and turned for hours until he finally dragged himself out of bed and into the cramped kitchen of his shitty one bedroom apartment. By the dim fluorescent light, Dan fumbled in the cabinet for a chipped glass and filled it up with cold water, throwing his head back to chug it all in one go before slapping the glass haphazardly onto an empty spot on the small countertop.

He slumped empty-handed against the edge of the counter for a time, silently willing himself to feel tired, for his heart and mind to stop racing. He was briefly considering going back to attempting to sleep when he heard the quiet roar of static start up in his living room.

_ The fuck? _

The static changed to a sitcom laugh track tittering every few seconds over muffled dialogue.

Did someone break into his house to watch _ Seinfeld _? Dan quietly opened his cutlery drawer and pulled out a large kitchen knife. Grasping it nervously in his left hand, he peered around the edge of the kitchen doorway, into the living room.

The walls were bathed in a soft glow, illuminated by the TV screen which — as he thought — was playing reruns of _ Seinfeld _. Dan caught a glimpse of the scene, with the gang all sitting around a table at Tom’s. He could just make out what the characters were saying across the room.

_ “What, in your mother’s house, or altogether?” _

_ “Altogether.” _

There was a chorus of disbelieving groans from the gang at Tom’s — and a wheezing giggle from whoever had broken into Dan’s apartment. Dan clutched the knife tighter and stepped slowly out of the kitchen, ready to strike if needed. The episode continued on the TV.

_ “Wait, you don’t think I can?” _

_ “No chance!” _

_ “You think you could?” _

_ “Well, I know I could hold out longer than you.” _

The wheezing giggle of Dan’s unwanted guest turned into a strained chuckle. Who even laughed out loud like that at sitcom reruns? What kind of lunatic was in Dan’s house? He crept further out of the kitchen, now able to see a vague silhouette outlined in the TV’s cool glow. He furrowed his brow.

_ “Care to make it interesting?” _

The laugh track roared, and the stranger laughed along, shoulders heaving.

_ “Sure, how much?” _

_ “Hundred dollars?” _

_ “You’re on.” _

Dan was close enough now to see that the figure was wearing a large black cloak with a pointy hood, like some fantasy elf ranger, or a sad, divorced dad dragging his bathrobe along through his late emo phase.

Dan cleared his throat. “What are you doing in my house?”

The stranger whipped their head around, loose hood still obscuring their face.

“Oh shit,” the stranger said. A man’s voice, no strong accent. “Sorry, guess I’m early.”

“Early? Early for _ what _?” Dan asked, but the guy wasn’t listening.

“Fuck, I’m gonna have so much paperwork to do…”

“Uh, what the fuck?” Dan said. “Are you, like, an assassin or something? Did someone order a hit on me?”

The guy sighed. “Yeah, okay, let me explain.” He patted the spot next to himself on Dan’s ratty sofa. Dan didn’t move.

“I— Come on, just sit down. I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Reluctantly, Dan did as he was told.

“Thank you,” the guy said. “So, okay. As far as I’m concerned, you’re meant to be dead right now.”

Dan pointed the knife at him. “Don’t you fucking... try anything.”

“Whoa, holy fuck! Jesus, you have a _ knife _?” the guy cried, scrambling to the far end of the sofa.

“You broke into my house and literally _ just now _ threatened to fucking murder me!” Dan yelled back, waving the knife at him.

“I didn’t fucking— Okay, look, we got off on the wrong foot. Let me start over, okay?”

“The wrong foot? _ You _ broke into _ my— _”

The stranger pulled his hood back, revealing a goateed face and long brown hair, with a blond streak on one side. Even scared for his life and brandishing a knife, it was hard for Dan not to notice he was handsome. In the background, _ Seinfeld _transitioned between scenes, the iconic slap bass theme playing through the TV speakers.

“I’m Arin. I work for the Grim Reaper,” the stranger said, holding out his right hand for Dan to shake. When Dan didn’t move to accept the handshake — or move at all, for that matter — Arin huffed in frustration and reached over to grab Dan’s right hand and shake it.

“Was that so hard?” Arin asked.

“You work… for the Grim Reaper,” Dan repeated.

“Yeah. It’s a temp position. I’m kind of between stable work right now. I’ve been doing my own thing with animation and, like, making dumb YouTube videos about Zelda games, but it’s been getting really hard to make that pay. Stupid vlogs and let’s plays taking over the whole damn site.”

“Uh. What the _ fuck _?”

“I know, right? I just wanna pay rent. Fuck knows I work harder than, like, Zoella, but _ she’s _ the one making bank.”

“No, no, no. No. You’re fucking with me. Is this some kind of prank? Are you one of Dana’s friends? Is this revenge for something?”

“What? No. Who the fuck is Dana?”

Dan was about to answer when Arin cut him off.

“You know what? It doesn’t matter. Point is, I’m a Reaper, I’m here to reap you, you’re meant to be dead, and obviously you’re not, so that’s gonna cause some problems for me.”

“So what, now you fucking… smite me?” Dan asked.

“Who do you think I am, _ God _ ? No, I’m not gonna smite you. You’re _ meant _to be smiting yourself. Oh, shit, I guess that’s what the knife is for.”

Dan scoffed. “What? The knife is for stopping you from fucking _ murdering _ me to the _ wonderful _ soundtrack of _ fucking Seinfeld _!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, so you _ weren’t _ about to kill yourself?”

“No!”

“Are you a hundred percent sure?”

“Yes!” Dan cried. “Yes, I’m sure. I— Well, like, I’d _ know _if I was gonna just kill myself. It’s not like I had a plan, or a note, or anything.”

Arin sighed. “Your file said you’ve been having a pretty bad time.”

“My _ file _?” Dan repeated. “You just keep tabs on people, waiting for them to die?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Well, your tab is wrong. I’m fine.”

Arin squinted at him.

“What? I am! What, you want me to burst into tears right here? You want me to tell you about how fucking miserable I am by myself? How fucking lonely it is? It’s not like I think being a musician is gonna pay the rent, but I can’t even get a fucking regular job either, which is why I’m stuck in this shitty apartment, a million miles from my family, because I was stupid enough to follow some girl across the country, and when she broke up with me it all went to shit, and yeah, maybe sometimes I _ do _fucking wish I was dead!” Dan yelled, voice cracking as his throat tightened and his eyes welled with tears.

Arin put a hand on his arm, rubbing it softly up and down.

“Hey, man, it’s gonna be okay. Everyone goes through hard times, but they’re not forever. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,” he said.

Dan laughed between sniffles. “You sound like a fucking high school PSA.”

Arin shrugged. “I was pretty checked out for the years of high school I actually finished. Don’t tell anyone that, though. As far as the big guy knows, I have my GED. Not that it matters, really. I don’t think twelfth grade calculus covers ‘How To Accurately Predict the Exact Minute of Leigh Avidan’s Suicide,’ or whatever.”

Dan snorted. “I go by Dan, actually.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since always.”

“Shit, I guess my tab really is wrong.”

There was a beat of silence between them.

Arin cleared his throat before speaking. “Hey, I’m really sorry about, uh.” He paused. “Well, I was gonna apologise for fucking up my timing, but I guess if I was right about tonight, it’s a good thing I was wrong about the time. You seem like a good guy, Dan.”

Dan sighed. “I don’t know. I kinda feel like a waste of space.”

“Hey, no. I’ve met a lot of dead assholes who were sure they were going to heaven by virtue of not being literally Hitler, and their zero other redeeming qualities. You’re fine. You’re just going through some shit.”

“Wait, there’s a heaven?”

Arin shrugged. “I don’t know, actually. I just pick people up, tell them they’re dead, they will be Judged, or whatever. I’m not allowed to know what happens next. I’m just a guy, you know? This is just my day job. Or, night job, I guess. I like to take the late shift.”

“Oh,” Dan said. “I guess that kinda makes sense.”

Arin pulled his sleeve up a little and peered at his watch. “Oh fuck, I’ve really been here a while, haven’t I? And you’re not even dead,” he said. “Shit, I should probably get to the next soul. Got a quota to keep up and all.”

“The Grim Reaper has fucking _ quotas _?”

“Oh yeah, he really works us to the _ bone _,” Arin said, squawking out a high-pitched chuckle at his own pun. Dan couldn’t help but laugh along.

Arin grinned. “Hey, uh, I actually live not too far from here. We should get coffee sometime, if that wouldn’t be too weird.”

Dan laughed again. “That would be _ extremely _weird.”

“Just thought you could use the company,” Arin said with a shrug. “I guess you’re right, it would be pretty weird, considering how we met.”

“Hey, I didn’t say no. Little weird never hurt anyone,” Dan replied quickly. He blushed, realising how overly eager he must sound. He knew he was lonely, but Jesus Christ, he didn’t think he was this desperate for a little companionship.

“Oh, fuck, really?” Arin said, perking up. “Well, how does Friday work for you? Around 2pm?”

“Uh, I should be free then.”

Arin beamed. “I guess I’ll meet you here.”

“Sure.”

“Alright, it’s a date!” Arin said.

_ Shit, is it? _

“Uh, yeah. It’s a date,” Dan repeated.

Arin fiddled with his watch for a few seconds before glancing back up.

“By the way,” he started, “I’m really glad you’re alive. It would’ve been a shame to cart your soul off to the afterlife without that bangin’ bod.”

Dan let out a choked cry of laughter, startled by the compliment.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” he shot back.

Arin snorted. “Please, the robe is doing _ all _the work,” he joked.

Dan giggled, making Arin smile.

“I’ll see you Friday,” Arin said.

“See you then.”

And with that, Arin pressed something on his watch and disappeared from Dan’s living room with a puff of smoke, leaving Dan alone in his apartment again. On the TV, George squirmed as he tried not to watch the silhouette of a woman being given a sponge bath in the next bed. 

Dan switched the TV off. He had a lot to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! thanks for reading my fic. i haven't written any fan fiction since i was maybe 14 so this is very weird for me. i hope you like it so far. feel free to let me know if i missed any typos or anything.
> 
> as a now fully fledged adult, i can assure you some kind of horniness will be inbound. whether that's E-rated scenes or just M-rated allusions, only time will tell. and if anyone wants to come at me for writing potentially smutty rpf, trust me. i know. i, too, am filled with shame for my actions.
> 
> i want this fic to be a safe and comforting thing for people like me dealing with mental health shit, and not something that makes it worse. if you feel that this fic is bad for you, please read a different fluff extravaganza. 
> 
> anyway stay safe out there, kids. take your meds. drink water. dab on the haters.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: depiction of negative thoughts, panic, and internalized biphobia  
also fluff and dick jokes. mostly those.

What do you wear to a coffee date that may or may not actually be a date? 

Actually, why did Dan even care about what he was going to wear? Arin was just some guy that had come to take Dan’s eternal soul to the afterlife in the event of his tragic suicide, and whose mistiming had accidentally saved Dan’s life, _ and _who then went on to ask Dan to get coffee with him — and was there some side comment about Dan’s so-called bangin’ bod? Totally normal situation. Almost certainly not a date. Just two guys, one of whom literally owed the other his life, getting coffee.

Shit, what was Arin going to think when Dan mentioned he didn’t drink coffee? Would Arin think Dan was gay? _ Was _ he gay? Was _ Arin _ even gay? Maybe Dan should just order a coffee and drink it so slowly that he wasn’t even really drinking it and then — _ oh no! — _ let it go cold, and then _ obviously _ he wasn’t going to drink _ cold _coffee.

Yes. Okay, that was a good plan. That is what Dan was going to do, and this was a very normal thing to be thinking about in so much detail.

_ But what if Arin thinks the coffee is getting cold because the conversation is awesome and the ‘date’ is going great? _

Dan groaned, slumping forward over his bathroom sink and letting his forehead bang softly against the mirror.

“This is so fucking stupid,” he mumbled to himself.

He’d been standing in his bathroom for 20 minutes, trying on 4 different shirts and 2 different pairs of jeans, not sure whether it was worse to look like he was trying too hard or that he was a total wreck who was starting to seriously consider pretending to be sick so he could stay home. Somehow, both things were true, and he could not afford to let Arin know either.

Dan let out a deep sigh, turning the faucet on and splashing some cold water on his face. This was fine. He was going to be fine. He’d have to be, anyway — Arin would be here any minute now.

Shaking some of the nervous energy out of his body, Dan decided once and for all on a shirt-jeans combo and walked back out into his living room to wait for Arin.

After sitting patiently on the sofa turned out to be absolute torture, Dan got up and started pacing lines across the beat-up linoleum floor just to give his restless legs something to do. He dug around in his pocket for his phone, checking the time every 20 seconds, over and over, wondering if maybe he’d remembered the time wrong, or that something horrible had happened to Arin, or—

Mercifully, there was a knock on the door.

When Dan opened the door to see Arin standing there, wearing regular, non-Reaper clothes, he briefly thought he would pass out. Whether from relief or because Arin looked extremely good in a fitted tee, Dan didn’t know.

“Hey, sorry I’m kinda late,” Arin said. “I got caught up finishing an errand and lost track of time.”

Dan grinned nervously. “Totally fine, dude. Where did you have in mind for coffee?”

Arin perked up a little. “There’s this really nice spot right near my apartment. It’s a combination coffee shop _ and _ bagel place, and their bagels are so fucking good. One time, I ate one so fast that I choked a little, and I _ immediately _ got a boner. Like a fuckin’ Pavlovian reaction.”

Dan burst out laughing.

“Oh my _ god _, Arin!”

Arin chuckled along with Dan. “What? You’ve never gotten a bagel boner?”

“No!” Dan managed between bouts of laughter. “I can _ very _ safely say that I have _ never _gotten an erection from a bagel.”

“Maybe you just haven’t found the right bagel,” Arin said, waggling his eyebrows.

“Maybe,” Dan repeated, trying to breathe through his fading giggles.

Arin grinned at him. “You ready to head out?”

“Yeah.”

Dan stepped out of the apartment, shutting the door behind him. They made their way down the dingy stairwell and out of the building, their conversation punctuated by more laughter from Dan as Arin cracked more jokes about food-related arousal.

“I’ve had some pretty good bagels in my life, and I have never gone beyond, like, a quarter chub,” Dan said.

Arin giggled. “Maybe the Jewish blood just gives you a natural resistance.”

“Or maybe it’s because my brain doesn’t just assume anything hitting the back of my throat is a dick.”

“I don’t assume _ everything _is a dick.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Could be a strap-on. You don’t know.”

“You’re right, Arin. I’m so sorry for saying that you would think anything choking you is a dick when it could, in fact, be a dildo, which we all know is completely different.”

“Thank you. I accept your apology.”

Dan rolled his eyes at Arin, but he was still smiling. Out on the street now, Dan followed Arin’s lead as they walked to the fabled coffee-slash-bagel shop.

“So how did you end up temping for the Grim Reaper?” Dan asked.

“Oh, you know…” Arin began, trailing off. “I mean, how does anyone end up doing anything?”

Dan tilted his head, squinting at Arin in confusion.

“What, did you have some kind of eternal debt to pay off or something?” Dan joked.

Arin just shrugged.

“Okay, well, how long are you gonna be working for him?” Dan asked. “Do you have any idea where you’ll be working next?”

Arin shrugged again. Seeing the look of concern on Dan’s face, he spoke.

“Look, time works weirdly for the big guy. I don’t really know when I’m gonna finish up. I’m done when he decides I’m done.”

“And how does he decide when you’re done?”

Arin sighed. “Man, I don’t know. Can we just talk about something else? What about you?”

Dan frowned.

_ Is he hiding something? Maybe the Reaper doesn’t let him talk about his work. _

“What _ about _me?” Dan asked.

“I don’t know, like… What are you into? What do you do for fun?”

Dan sighed. “Well… I was in a couple of bands for a while, but they didn’t really go anywhere.”

“Oh, shit, you’re a musician? No wonder you’re so hot and tortured,” Arin joked, nudging Dan with his elbow.

Dan blushed a little, not quite meeting Arin’s eye.

“You could get _ me _hot and tortured anytime,” Arin continued.

“Arin!” Dan spluttered through laughter, face now bright red. 

Arin giggled. 

“One of my old high school friends always said you could learn a lot about someone by what instrument they play,” he said.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. He was a band geek. I told him the one thing I knew about him and all his band friends is that they were virgins.”

Dan snorted and said, “I think you’d be surprised what goes down at band camp.”

“Oh ho, Leigh Daniel Avidan!” Arin crowed. “Were you getting nasty at band camp?”

“God, I _ wish _. But no, I didn’t play any band instruments.”

“So, what _ do _you play?”

Dan shrugged. “I play a little bit of electric bass. I’m _ very _rusty, though. Mostly, I sing.”

“Oh, nice. I’d love to hear you sometime.”

Dan grinned. “So what does that say about me?”

Arin gave him a quizzical look.

“I mean,” Dan said, “what would your band geek friend think about me, knowing I sing and play really shitty bass?”

“Oh, right. Well, he definitely thought bass players were either future serial killers or future sex symbols — sometimes both. I don’t think he even thought singers were real musicians. So I guess you’d be a fake sex symbol and/or serial killer.”

Dan laughed. “I guess ‘fake’ is the only kind of sex symbol I’m hot enough to be.”

Arin snorted. “Are you serious, dude?”

“Well, yeah. I mean… Look at me.”

“Dan, you’re like… _ really _handsome.”

“My mother certainly thinks so,” Dan joked. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Arin. He wasn’t used to getting compliments like that from people he wasn’t dating.

“No, seriously,” Arin pressed on. “You’re pretty as hell. I would totally let you put your dick in my ass.”

“Arin!” Dan yelped, face suddenly hot.

“What? You prefer to bottom?”

“Jesus Christ, dude, we’re in public! You can’t just talk about my dick in your ass!”

“Or mine in yours.”

“_ Any _ dicks in _ any _asses!”

Arin chuckled. “Alright, alright, sorry. Didn’t think that was a sore point. You were pretty comfortable chatting it up about high school orgies.”

Dan frowned. “Well yeah, but that’s different.”

“How?”

_ Because that was just a joke. This, on the other hand, is… _

“It’s just… It’s too much.”

“Alright, man, sorry I crossed the line.”

“No, it’s fine.”

They walked in silence after that. Dan’s face stayed red as he thought about what had just happened. Why _ had _ he reacted so strongly to Arin’s joke? Sure, Arin was handsome, but Dan had other hot friends in the past that he’d joked with like that without it ever getting weird. It’s not like he was interested. Sure, Dan had sucked a couple of dicks in his life. There’s worse ways to get free pot. And yeah, he hadn’t really _ not _enjoyed it. That didn’t mean he was itching to fuck some guy he’d practically just met, no matter how attractive the guy in question was.

Things had been quiet between them for a while now. Did Arin think Dan was some awkward homophobe now? Shit, Dan should probably say something. God, anything — _ now! _

“So, uh, what were you like?” he blurted out.

Arin’s head jerked up as his attention shifted back to the conversation. “What?”

“I mean, in high school. What were you like? I gather you weren’t a band geek.”

Arin chuckled. “No. I guess I was kind of a burnout.”

“Oh. Really? Shit, I mean, I guess you already told me you never finished school.”

“Yeah, I just…” Arin trailed off.

Dan furrowed his brow. “Are you okay?”

Arin smiled weakly. “Yeah, I’m okay. It’s just… I really hated school to begin with, you know? Like, I know everyone hates homework and class, but I just really hated it. I didn’t see the point. I knew what I was interested in, and it wasn’t math class. And then, I… I went through a really hard time, and I just… I couldn’t go to class anymore. Not because I was sick or anything, I just… I couldn’t bring myself to actually show up at school. I mean, everyone knew what had happened, and I didn’t want to see them, and talk about it, and have that be my whole day, every day.”

“Oh. I’m really sorry,” Dan said. “That must’ve been really rough for you.”

“It was for the best, really. My parents considered moving me to a different school, but I think they knew that wasn’t gonna fix the problem, so they let me just stop going.”

Dan was about to ask what it was than Arin knew he was interested in back then, when Arin stopped walking.

“This is the spot,” he said, gesturing upwards.

Dan looked up to see a sign that read ‘BOILED AND BAKED’ in large squiggly letters. He snorted.

“Sounds like me all through college.”

Arin chuckled. “Dan Avidan, former stoner kid? I am _ shocked _.”

Dan giggled, and gave Arin a playful shove.

Arin grinned. “You wanna head inside?”

Dan nodded and walked through the open doorway into the shop, where the smell of fresh bagels and coffee wafted straight into his nostrils. _ God _, that was good. He felt something lightly touch his shoulder and turned to see Arin’s hand there.

“Hey, I’m gonna grab us a table if you wanna go order,” Arin said. “You can tell them to put it all on my tab. I have a special relationship with the owner. He gives me a discount.”

Dan raised his eyebrows. “I don’t suppose this special relationship has anything to do with your frankly _ disgusting _bagel fetish?”

Arin smiled demurely, batting his eyelashes. “A lady never kisses and tells.”

Dan snorted.

“Just get me a green tea and a plain bagel with cream cheese,” Arin said, starting to look around for a good spot.

“Toasted?” Dan asked.

Arin scoffed. “_ Obviously _toasted!”

“Well, obviously, yeah. I was just checking to see if I’d have to kill you after this.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s _ my _job, actually. I’d thank you not to endanger it.”

Dan grinned and walked to the counter, deciding on what to order for himself. Should he stick to his coffee plan? They had already made multiple jokes about gay sex and bagel boners. Perhaps that ship had sailed.

He’d just about made up his mind when the barista noticed him waiting. She smiled politely at him and held up a finger as she poured another coffee into a takeaway cup.

“Just one second, sir,” she said, grabbing a plastic lid and fitting it tightly onto the cup.

“Take your time,” Dan assured her.

The barista grabbed a cardboard carry tray and put the coffee in it, alongside another cup, checking a nearby slip of paper.

“White mocha and a black coffee for Philip?” she called out.

Dan felt his gut twist sharply in his chest.

“Philip? Any Philips in the crowd tonight?” the barista called again.

All of a sudden, Dan’s chest felt tight, his heart racing. It was like his lungs were getting smaller and smaller by the second, and soon he wouldn’t be able to breathe at all.

“Guess he’s still in his car,” the barista muttered, coming up to the counter and smiling at Dan. He forced himself to smile back at her.

“Hey, sorry for the wait. What can I get for you?” she asked.

“Uh…” Dan started, trying to look at the barista’s face instead of the abandoned order for Philip next to her. “Could you just give me a second, actually?”

“Sure,” the barista said, watching Dan curiously as he turned quickly and walked over to where Arin was sitting, playing with his phone.

“Hey, uh…” Dan began.

“Hey! Take a seat,” Arin said, smiling up at him. “Oh, did Sarah not give you a table number?”

“No, I, uh— I didn’t order. Look, Arin, I’m really sorry to do this, but I’ve gotta go.”

“Oh. Okay,” Arin said, disappointment plain on his face. “Did I do something wrong, or…?”

_ Oh god, he looks so upset. _

“No! No, you haven’t done anything. I just can’t be… _ in here _ , right now. I’m—” Dan suddenly felt light-headed, white static bleeding across his vision. He caught himself on the edge of the table by one hand. “Jesus _ fuck _…”

“Oh, shit. Dan?” Dan heard Arin’s chair scraping against the floor. “What’s happening? Do— Should I call 911?

“No, it’s fine, I’m okay. I’m just… _ really _ dizzy,” Dan wheezed. “I am _ so _sorry about this.”

Arin’s hand was on Dan’s back, rubbing softly.

“Hey, don’t apologise. Let’s get you some fresh air,” he murmured.

Arin’s hand left Dan’s back, moving down to grab Dan’s hand, their fingers lacing loosely together. Arin’s thumb softly stroked the back of his hand and Dan felt his heart rate start to slow. He tried to focus on breathing slower.

“Thanks, Sarah. We’re just gonna be out back,” Arin told the barista.

Dan followed Arin through a door at the other end of the counter, into the kitchen and out the back entrance of the shop. Standing in the back alley, two feet from the dumpster, Dan couldn’t help but think that if this _ was _a date, it was going terribly. Even if it was just a casual hangout, it kind of sucked ass at the moment.

Dan pulled his hand out of Arin’s to sit on the ground with his back against the wall of the shop and his eyes fixed on the ground. Arin didn’t speak or try to get too close to Dan, just waited until Dan had caught his breath and spoke himself.

“Sorry,” was all Dan could manage at first.

“It’s okay. Don’t be sorry,” Arin said. “Can I sit?”

Dan nodded, and Arin took a seat on the ground next to him.

“Are you sure you don’t need a doctor or anything?” he asked.

Dan sighed and shook his head.

“I feel like I should explain,” he said, looking over at Arin.

“You don’t have to.”

“I know. But I probably still should.”

Arin put his hand between them on the ground, palm-up, offering it to Dan to hold. After a moment of hesitation, Dan slipped his hand into Arin’s. Arin smiled. Seeing him smile gave Dan a little relief. Arin wasn’t mad at him, at least.

“So, my girlfriend dumped me a little while back,” Dan started, half-expecting Arin to crack some kind of joke, but he just listened and waited.

“I wish I could say it was mutual, but god, it _ definitely _wasn’t,” he continued. Arin gave Dan’s hand a sympathetic squeeze.

“That fucking sucks, man,” he said.

“Yeah, well… I guess she was fed up with dating a guy in his 30s who was still trying and failing to be a rockstar, with almost no money to his name, who spent most of his free time writing elaborate dick jokes over the internet. Honestly, I can’t really blame her. I’d probably dump me, too.”

Arin’s thumb traced circles on Dan’s hand. Dan looked down at their joined hands. What was he even doing here? What were either of them doing?

“Well, _ I _for one wouldn’t dump you,” Arin said. “You’d have to drive me away with sex-crazed, drug-fuelled bender while you were living it up as a rockstar.”

Dan managed to laugh.

“She just didn’t know how lucky she was,” Arin finished.

Was this all seriously okay? Dan didn’t know how to feel about anything that was happening between him and Arin, if there _ was _even anything happening. Maybe he was just projecting his loneliness onto the first good-looking rando that walked into his life — or his apartment, anyway.

“That’s super sweet, man, but you really don’t have to say that,” he said.

“Hey, man, I mean it. She should’ve appreciated you more.” Arin gave Dan’s hand another small squeeze.

Dan smiled weakly. “Thanks, Arin.”

“Of course, dude. Just telling it how it is.”

“Anyway, she started dating this other guy, like, barely a week after we broke up. I mean, I can’t _ prove _that’s why she dumped me, but… you know.”

Arin winced. “Sorry, man.”

Dan sighed. “He’s younger than me, too. _ Way _more successful. I’m pretty sure he owns some tech start-up or something like that. But his name is Philip, and just now there was an order ready for a Philip. Two coffees, one of which was my ex’s usual order.”

Arin hummed thoughtfully. “The black coffee,” he chimed in. “Very niche.”

Dan giggled and bumped Arin’s shoulder with his own. 

Arin grinned.

“You still hungry?” he asked. “I could grab us bagels to go.”

“I think I’ve pretty much lost my appetite for right now,” Dan said. “Don’t let me stop you, though. I would never deny a man his bagel, especially with the special way _ you _ feel about them.”

“Alright, Dan, but just know that if I _ happen _ to get a boner — for, you know, whatever reason — I expect _ you _to take care of it,” Arin said, standing up and dusting off his pants.

“You know what? If you bring me a chamomile tea and a boner, I will _ gladly _blow you.”

“Now, now, Daniel, don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep,” Arin tutted. “I will get you that tea, though. You coming in?”

Dan sighed. “I think I should probably hang tight, thanks.”

“Alright, man. I’ll be back soon.”

Arin disappeared through the door into the kitchen, leaving Dan alone with his thoughts. It was certainly no mercy.

Dan tried to focus his attention on breathing — he’d picked up a few tips on mindfulness here and there — but his mind kept drifting towards what a fuck-up he was. Arin was so, _ so _ kind. He was being so great about this whole thing, and Dan was not at all deserving. How long would it be until Arin realised that Dan wasn’t worth his time and move on, like Dan’s girlfriend had? _ Ex _-girlfriend. Fuck, that was going to take some getting used to. They hadn’t even been together that long, really, but Dan had been alone so much before they got together that he’d clung to her like a life raft.

Was that what would happen with Arin? Dan would get too clingy and pathetic and scare him away? God, why did he even care so much? Arin was a good guy, sure, and handsome as hell — but that didn’t mean that Dan’s whole life depended on him. It just happened to have been saved by him once before.

Fuck, why couldn’t Dan just function like a normal adult? No wonder his ex had dumped him. And Arin would dump him too, even if he didn’t think so.

Not that it even mattered. They weren’t dating, and they were never going to _ start _ dating. Arin was too good for Dan, and he’d inevitably figure it out before they got to that point. And _ Jesus _ , why was Dan even thinking about _ that _? He wasn’t gay. Arin probably wasn’t gay, either — although, perhaps that much was still up in the air. Arin was really, really good-looking. Dan couldn’t deny that, but that didn’t mean he… He liked girls, anyway. Yeah. He liked girls. This was stupid. 

None of this mattered because Dan liked girls, and Arin would never be interested in _ him _ of all the men in the world.

The back door swung wide open, and Arin walked through — in one hand, a carry-tray with two cups in it, and in the other, a paper bag with two bagel-shaped items inside.

“Hey,” Dan said, relieved to have company again.

“I have a boner!” Arin announced.

Dan’s eyes shot straight to Arin’s crotch before he could think to stop them.

“Unless there’s something you want to disclose about what you’re packing, you most certainly do not,” Dan said.

“Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. It’s not polite to stare.”

Dan blushed, and looked pointedly away. “Right. Yeah. Sorry.”

“Well, if you’re _ that _ desperate, stare away. Maybe I _ will _get a boner then.”

Dan laughed despite himself. “And then, may god help us all.”

“Especially you, having to take all eighteen inches of _ this _,” Arin said, thrusting his hips a little.

Dan chuckled. “What a way to make an entrance. Like, ‘Everybody, shut up! I have an erection!’ The first thing you say when you enter a room.”

Arin wheezed with laughter, nearly tipping the takeaway cups. Dan grinned, proud of himself for being able to make Arin laugh like that. It felt good, even if it was just a stupid dick joke.

Arin sat down on the ground beside Dan, putting the tray and bag in front of them.

“I know you said you didn’t have an appetite, but I got an extra bagel anyway, just in case you changed your mind,” he said. “Plain toasted with cream cheese, same as mine. If you don’t want any, I’ll just eat it.”

Dan smiled, shrugging. “I probably should eat. Thank you.”

“Of course, dude.”

Arin grabbed one of the coffee cups and took a long drink from it.

“Dude, is that not boiling hot right now?” Dan asked. He was no stranger to tea, himself. He couldn’t imagine knocking back a fresh cup like that.

“Nah, I get Sarah to add some cold water once it’s steeped enough. I like to be able to drink it quickly.”

“Oh. Perks of fucking the owner, I guess.” 

Dan grabbed the other cup and took a sip. Sure enough, it was the perfect drinking temperature.

Arin snorted. “It’s just a perk of being a regular. Fucking the owner is its own reward.”

A little bit of tea went up Dan’s nose, and he coughed a few times. “You weren’t joking about that? You’re actually fucking the owner?”

Arin looked at him quizzically. “I mean, I guess. Only a couple of times, and not for a while, but yeah. The dude’s hot and I’m always in his shop. He doesn’t give me a discount when he’s working the counter, though. I’ve asked. It’s just Sarah that gives me the special treatment. Luckily, I know when she works.” He winked at Dan.

“You’re fucking the barista, too?” Dan asked.

“What? No, we’re just friends. It’s usually pretty quiet when I’m there, so we get to talking.”

“Oh,” Dan said. “Sorry, I guess I didn’t realise you were gay.”

Arin laughed. “I’m not gay.”

“What? But you’re fucking the owner. Are they not a guy?”

“No, the owner is a dude, I just mean I’m not…” Arin trailed off. “I mean, okay. I guess if I _ had _ to put a label on it, I’m bisexual, but I don’t really like having to label myself. If I think someone’s hot, then I think they’re hot, you know? And usually that’s girls, but sometimes it’s guys, too. You know, like the owner, or Cillian Murphy, or… I don’t know, _ you _, I guess.”

“Me.”

“Yeah?”

“_ Me? _”

“What? Like I said, you’re really handsome. I would be honoured to tap that.”

“Dude, you _ have _to be kidding.”

“Is it really that hard to believe you’re attractive?” Arin asked, looking confused.

Dan couldn’t bring himself to respond.

_ Yes. _

“Dan, really, I—” Arin started, before being interrupted by the sound of an electric guitar coming out of a tinny speaker.

“Shit,” he muttered, looking at his watch. Right as the percussion kicked in — was that a cowbell? — he turned it off.

“Are you late for something?” Dan asked.

“No, this is me getting called in to work,” Arin said. “I should… probably take this. I mean, as long as you’re going to be okay.”

Dan waved him off. “I’ll be fine, Arin. Don’t worry about me.”

“Are you sure?”

“_ Yes. _Now go reap some souls.”

Arin smiled. “Thanks, man. I really do need this job. Oh, shit, my bagel!”

He reached into the paper bag and grabbed one of the bagels, holding it in his mouth as he fiddled with his watch.

“Sho showry to cu’ ahr day’ shor’, I’wl make i’ u’ to you,” Arin managed through a mouthful of bagel. He gave Dan a thumbs up, then he was gone in a puff of smoke.

_ Did he say ‘day’ or ‘date’...? _

* * *

He’d had such a good day. Why did his good days always have to turn into shitty nights? He’d successfully avoided coffee shop Philip, who may or may not have been the same Philip his ex had run off with. He’d even made a friend. Or, maybe he’d made a fuck buddy? A… casual romantic interest? Dan was very unclear on what exactly Arin thought their relationship was.

And now, up late again, he couldn’t stop fucking thinking about it.

Arin had said he was attracted to Dan, but that didn’t mean he wanted to act on it. Besides, Dan didn’t _ want _him to act on it. Probably. Really, he still wasn’t sure that this was some elaborate bit that Arin was doing, and that Dan just wasn’t getting the joke. He didn’t want to make some kind of move and then find out he’d totally misread the whole situation. That’s probably exactly what he’d done…

God, he was so stupid. Arin was just joking, wasn’t he? Dan had gotten his hopes up that someone might think he was anything other than pathetic and worthless, but he’d been right about himself all along.

Dan was alone. He would always be alone, until the day he died. 

Maybe Arin shouldn’t have intervened after all.

As Dan’s thoughts spiralled further into darkness, he was interrupted by a frantic knocking at the door. Reluctantly, he opened his apartment door.

There, with messy hair and wearing loose, dark robes:

“Arin?”

Arin forced a smile, but he was clearly trying to cover up panic.

“Hi!” 

“What are you doing here?” Dan asked.

Arin wheezed out a nervous laugh. 

“So, uh… I need you to move in with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! this took a little bit, mostly because it's much longer than the first chapter. this is probably closer to the usual chapter length. after the warm reception to the first chapter i actually sat down and plotted this bitch out. i have what is not so much a beat sheet as a series of chapter summaries that i hope will actually work. i am a chronic pantser and this is really the most forethought i have ever put into something i've written.
> 
> ur comments and kudos are very appreciated. ao3 sends me a nice email every time i get some. one part big ego boost, one part horrifying reminder that now i have An Audience who is keen to hear about these boiz. btw sorry the interaction between italics and punctuation is SO weird? i write these in google docs and am still trying to figure out how to get ao3 formatting to look right. i will get there tho. i belive in my dreams.
> 
> anyway, i will keep chugging away at the writing when i have time (tho i also have, you know, other stuff to do) and hopefully can keep up a good pace of a nice long chapter every week or two.
> 
> take care of yourselves, do your homework, get some sleep, recklessly touch a car that doesn't belong to you.


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